In the case of Daisy, who shared her first pregnancy experience with her friends, she was full of praises for her boss and her neighbours. It wasn’t that her husband abandoned her at this crucial period, to borrow her words, but for the couple, the advent of the pregnancy was double joy.
They had waited on God for over four years after marriage.
The month that she missed her period was the very month her husband was sent to America on a two-year course from his office. Her first three months, according to her, were tough but her neighbours and the boss in her office, though a man, made sure she had everything she wanted and he even exempted her from some duties. This is because her parents lived out of town and her husband’s parents were both late.
Women have different stories to tell about their pregnancies, from the first trimester (first three months), till their Expected Delivery Date (EDD), which of course is another story entirely, due to individual differences. For some women each pregnancy comes with different symptoms and experiences. So what applies to and works for a woman might not work for another woman, even for the first and second pregnancies.
Every woman and those surrounding her dreads the climax of the gestation period which is the onset of labour and the labour room experience. A lot of myths surround the labour room experience, depending on the woman’s cultural belief and sometimes religion.
In modern days, though alien to our culture, women advocate for their husband’s presence while in labour. Women want their husbands close to them because their presence will give moral and psychological support, though some people believe that any man who witnesses the birth of his child and what his wife goes through during delivery will appreciate the woman better.
Contrary to this view, however, is the traditionalists’ view shared by a man who wants to be identified simply as Gbenga. He stated that it is very un-African for a man to be present when his wife is giving birth. According to him, there is no big deal about childbirth which could warrant the husband’s presence.
“Civilisation and the white man’s medical attention have changed a lot of things. Our mothers, some of them even till date still deliver their babies without any help. They have been taught how to do that since when they were young and it comes easy for them. Again, the moment a woman starts by having her first child in her husband’s presence, it means she has given birth to all her children in his presence,” Gbenga stated.
Some men however said they could be present at the labour room during their wives’ delivery and shared their experience, while some said they wouldn’t be found a hundred miles near the place.
Diadem Ogwu, a respondent said he had no choice but to stay with his wife when she was in the labour room. “It was our first baby, the pregnancy was quite troublesome. She was in and out of the hospital for several weeks. In fact she had been on hospital admission for about two weeks before she went into labour, it was around mid-night and I was with her.
“The pain in her eyes during every contraction was too much for me to bear. I was with her, but sincerely, I cannot describe the way I felt. In fact at a stage, I thought I was going to pass out. The midwife attending to her had to give me a seat. It was a harrowing experience for me, but on the long run, it was worth it. We are not even thinking of another baby now, but definitely, we have to have another one and I am ready to go all the way with her.”
Ilesanmi Mike, another respondent said, “I couldn’t stay with her. Although I wished I could, but I don’t have the heart for it. She fell into labour in the middle of the night. We couldn’t leave the house immediately because of where we lived. My wife is a very strong woman; she said she would hold on. I was so scared. More so, we have been told that she would have the baby through Cesarean Section because of certain medical complications; I kept praying that she would hang on till the wee hours of the morning when we could go out.
“Fortunately, she did, but I left and started driving around town with no particular destination in mind. I was too scared to stay in the hospital with her. I went back when one of the nurses called me that she had delivered.”
However, the question is, does hanging around the labour room really help? Retired matron and midwife, Mabel Ogunsanwo, said though she is not against a man staying with his wife, but one might eventually have to leave the woman in labour and nurse the man.
“I cannot forget a situation that happened when the woman in labour insisted that her husband should stay with her. All was well until when the baby was about to come out. We all felt that the man was holding on fine and up till that moment, his presence helped his wife. But as soon as he saw the baby’s head, he started vomiting and the next thing was that he fainted.
“Thank God I had enough hands to help me; it was a night labour case. I had to leave his wife in the hands of the junior nurses to take care of him. What if other complications occurred with the wife? He distabilised us and caused more trouble than good, so since that day, I personally do not encourage such,” she said.
A gynaecologist, Dr Adeyinka Griffin, said there is no harm in the man staying with his wife in the labour room, but he has to be sure that he is strong enough.
“We all erroneously refer to women as the weaker sex, but with my years of experience as a gynaecologist, I have come to respect them greatly.
“No matter how low a woman’s pain threshold is, she would withstand the pains during each contraction. Though one cannot rule out a lot of drama during the spasm of pains, but they hold on well.”
Different kinds of stories and myths surround the labour room experience; some say you must not cry, you don’t scream, you don’t curse your husband or anyone. Strictly, no swear words. But do women adhere to these?
Some even say once they are done with this labour, they will never try such again, but they eventually go back to have more babies.
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